I Hope They Remember the Good.

Sometimes at the end of a day, after I have tucked my boys soundly in bed, thoughts and memories of the day flood back into my mind. It can be sobering at times, often I just hope and pray that the good I tried to do for them, for my family, somehow outweigh the negative things I may have said or done. Because gosh! I really to try to do good by them, even though I know I don't at times.

Today I hope that they remember the sound of my kind voice singing them lullabies to sleep...rather than the sound of my harsh yelling voice pleading with them for the billionth time to get their jammies on and brush their teeth.

Today I hope that they remember drawing a bike track with chalk on front drive in the sunshine, and then racing together on our bikes/trikes...rather than how many times I said "no, not right now" when they asked me repeatedly to hang party lanterns all throughout the house in the middle of me trying to get a decent dinner cooked and into all of our grumbling bellies.

Today I hope that they remember that I read books to them in silly voices...rather than when I asked them to just let me close my eyes for bit and not jump on my bed.

Today I hope they remember the touch of my lips kissing them on their cheeks and the feel of my hand patting them on the head...rather than the firm grip of my arms as I whisked them angrily away to time outs.

Today I hope that they realize that I am trying everyday to be patient, kind, and calm. And that even though  those qualities don't always come naturally to me, I am trying to teach myself to be those things naturally.

And even though there was yelling, impatience, frustration, annoyance, lack of energy at times today. I hope that I showed them enough good too, through my actions and my words, that I love them. That all I want is the best for them. That I don't want to be anywhere else but with them. That I am trying hard to teach them, and that I am trying hard to be a better Mom for them. That I miss them when they are not with me. That I am not perfect, but that I am trying every day to be what they need. That I adore them and could never imagine my life without them.