"Something good can be said about everyone.
We only have to say it."
-Fulton Oursler
On nights when I don't just plop like and exhausted blob on to my bed, I like to open my olive green book. I peruse briefly through the table of contents, looking for an essay title that lights up for me that particular night. Then, I read it.
Last night an essay entitled, There is Magic in a Word of Praise by Fulton Oursler sparked my interest. He writes about how every human being has a need to hear kind words from others, and also to speak kind words to others. It got me thinking about all the moments in my life where I have thought something nice about someone, but failed to speak that kindness to them. Kindness, once started, can spread like wildfire and it is our words and actions that help it to grow along the way.
This essay also cited a study done by Dr. Henry H. Goddard, in his years at the Vineland Training School in New Jersey, where they measured fatigue using an "ergograph." They found that when patients were given kind words of encouragement their energy levels soared. On the contrary, "discouragement and faultfinding were found to have a measurable opposite effect." I have felt and seen these findings to be true in my own life, for myself, my husband and especially my children.
When disciplining children it can be so easy to only focus on what they are not doing, or on the behavior that frustrates us. Focusing on those qualities rarely produces the change in behavior we hope for. Commenting kindly to them, giving them praise for a job well done, letting them know we are proud of them when they make a good choice, are all things we can do as parents to kindly motivate improvement in our children's behavior. When I became a mom I can remember my mother advising that "giving my kids lots of praise, and focusing on when they do things right" is what will ultimately change their action for the better.
Sometimes finding things to kindly praise others about can be difficult. However it is usually during the difficult times that others need our praise and encouragement the most.
This essay also cited a study done by Dr. Henry H. Goddard, in his years at the Vineland Training School in New Jersey, where they measured fatigue using an "ergograph." They found that when patients were given kind words of encouragement their energy levels soared. On the contrary, "discouragement and faultfinding were found to have a measurable opposite effect." I have felt and seen these findings to be true in my own life, for myself, my husband and especially my children.
When disciplining children it can be so easy to only focus on what they are not doing, or on the behavior that frustrates us. Focusing on those qualities rarely produces the change in behavior we hope for. Commenting kindly to them, giving them praise for a job well done, letting them know we are proud of them when they make a good choice, are all things we can do as parents to kindly motivate improvement in our children's behavior. When I became a mom I can remember my mother advising that "giving my kids lots of praise, and focusing on when they do things right" is what will ultimately change their action for the better.
Sometimes finding things to kindly praise others about can be difficult. However it is usually during the difficult times that others need our praise and encouragement the most.
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2 comments:
When I was working with kids with behavioral problems, I saw everyday the difference positive vs negative language made. It's so very true that the way you make change with children (and adults) is through positive words/reinforcement.
:)
Love this one. Thanks for the reminder.
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