Extra moments.

Angus wanted some special attention tonight at bedtime. So I nestled him in close to me and rocked him to sleep in the quiet room. Oscar was sleeping soundly just a couple feet away from us. As Angus' body relaxed in my arms, and he drifted off into dreams I felt really peaceful. Really content. It was so reassuring to listen to both of my boys breath. I knew where they both were, and I knew what they were doing. They were there with me in our home.

My mind skipped forward to the future for a moment, where they were much older. I realized that I won't always have the reassurance of knowing where they are, what they are doing, and who they are with at all times, and it really frightened me. I know part of this parenting gig is learning to let go, but man that seems like such a difficult thing to do.

So I sat in their room a little bit longer and I held Angus' hand. After I softly laid my baby down in his crib, I crept over to my bigger baby and kissed his head and held his hand for an extra moment too.

Maybe if I steal enough of these extra moments now, the letting go later might become a bit easier.

Maybe.