"Hey You, 15 Year Old Helen!"

I am trying to participate in a month long blogging extravaganza over at NaBloWriMo, (thanks for the nudge Square Toothed Girl).

So far I am falling behind, and it is only the 5th of the month.  Oh well.

Yesterday's prompt, if we so choose to use it was "what advice would you give your 15 year old self?"

I have racked my brain for the last 24 hours over what I would say to myself. I am not sure I would change a whole lot. You know, that whole bit about the how the culmination of your life's choices and experiences makes you who you are today? Well I believe it.

I liked who I was at 15. I like who I am now at 28. Missteps and all.

However, I did come up with just a couple tid bits of advice for myself at 15.

1) You are going to want to pick endlessly at that welt of a zit on your left cheek bone. DO. NOT. DO. IT. Stop right now, remove your pinch-happy fingers from your face, and walk away from the bathroom mirror. It will not produce some impressive and shocking puss ball for you to gawk at, it will only produce a deep  and lasting divot in your skin that you will notice often years from now.

2) Take an art class. Don't be afraid, just do it. I know you think you are not "artsy" enough, "edgy" enough, or "creative" enough. But you are enough. You are enough to try out anything you are interested in. With one caveat however, I know you are signed up to take debate your first semester in high school. I know you think you are interested in this, but you are not. Get out. Get out of it now! You will loathe that experience entirely. I feel like throwing up just thinking about it.

3) Don't expect so much maturity from the guys you date. Most of the guys you will date are going to be great. Just please remember that they are young, so stop expecting them have the maturity of a grown man. Expect them to be kind, fun, respectful, and to love being with you. Other then that, just have fun and don't let your mind get to serious about it all!

4) I would also tell myself that the next 13 years are going to be really good and hard. But mostly just really good. Your heart is going to get broken a few times. It is okay. You are going to be better than fine. Life will change. Some of the changes you will actually be grateful for, others you will miss. Keep being yourself through it all.

I can only hope that the next 13 years will be just as good, and maybe even better than the last.

So be calm 28 year old Helen. Life is going to be really good, and hard. That is the way it is meant to be. Sometimes in the ride of life you have to hold on tight, and sometimes you have to learn how to let go. So pay attention and enjoy what you have, while you have it.

Why I blog: Post Addition.

So I meant what I wrote yesterday about writing our moments down. I think it is important. I do.


But as I have read over my post, I think I put a little too much emphasis on the recording our moments part. While that is beneficial in many ways, after giving it more thought I do not think it is the most important thing.

The most important thing for us to do is to actually live in those moments as we are given them, because those moments become our memories. And our memories are what hold the stories of our lives.

There are lots of ways to preserve our memories, our stories. Find what works for you. Writing is a great way, but it is not the only way. Take pictures. Create. Even just re-telling stories of our past, or reminiscing with others about our memories helps to keep them alive.

Live your life. Make memories. Record them when you can, and do it in a way that works for you.

Why I Blog.

I feel peace and comfort when I write down pieces of our lives. Like somehow the actual writing down of my moments, our moments, keeps them alive even after they have passed.

Moments in our lives come at such a swift pace. We hardly have time to appreciate them before they have moved from the status of moments, to memories.

Ah! But! If we record them, if we just record them we can relive them continually. When we write our moments down they are never really lost to us.

This is my main motivator for writing on my blog. My moments here are precious, even the not so great ones. 

I want to keep them, so I write them down. Sometimes I am really diligent about it, sometimes I am not. Often I have panic attacks about how many moments I have not immortalized by writing them.

But I am trying, and I know my efforts will be worth it. Worth it to me, and to those who come after me.

On The Eve Of My 28th Year.

I went for a walk tonight on the eve of my 28th birthday. That isn't really earth-shattering news or anything, but Reece and I like to take walks together after dark, especially in the summer time. Most walks we take together are calming and rejuvenating to the both of us. I crave the chorus of the August crickets. They are loud and thick. Tonight it felt they were singing just for me, "Happy birthday Helen, we are glad you are here with us on earth at this time. Be well, be well, be well."  The warmth on an evening of this month feels much like a comfortable, and well-worn blanket. Not much more clothing than a shirt, shorts and flip-flops are needed, and the simplicity of that feels good to me. The dark silhouettes of the catalpas, the maples, the pines, against the backdrop of a slightly lighter starry starry sky cause me to breath in the smell of summer with deeper contentment.

As we continued to walk I was overcome with gratitude for the 28 years I have had here so far. They have been filled with so much good, and so much real beauty. The majority of which has stemmed from the many genuine and tender relationships that have been, and that are currently a part of my existence. My eyes got a bit teary as my mind filled with the many blessings I have been given over the years. They have not, and they do not cease.

I think there is something cosmically magical about walking in the relative stillness of night. It feels good to let my mind wander where it will. When I stop trying to lead my thoughts, and instead let them lead me, I am often overcome with truths that are made clearer. It is as if there is someone aware of me (and I believe that there certainly is, more than one someone too). Someone who knows me. Who knows my ears are open and my mind is receptive to the guiding bits of wisdom they will whisper to my mind, my heart. Most often the whispered wisdom's are small hints, and on rare occasions they have been concise directions, but they are always, always meant for me. I am compelled to listen, and when I do my life is so much better because I did.

Eat the Good Stuff

Eating. I think about it often.

For the most part we eat pretty healthy around here, but there is still lots of room to improve. Usually I try to cut out completely, or eat less of certain items. But you know what that does? It makes me think about, and want to eat those items more, and then I do just that.

So.

The other day I wondered to myself if maybe I have been going about this all wrong. Maybe I would be more successful in improving my eating habits if instead of worrying about not eating the "bad stuff," I worried more about eating right amounts of the "good stuff." Good stuff like fruits, vegetables, nuts and fiber. Maybe! Just maybe, if I focus on eating (at least) the recommended daily servings of each of those items I would be less inclined to cram my mouth full of other items.

So far it seems to be helping me make smarter choices. I am finding that by doing this I have less room in my tummy, and less time in the day, to eat junk.

Mistakes

I make mistakes, a lot. Thankfully most of the mistakes I make on a daily basis are minor, and do not have horrible and lasting repercussions. This past week seemed to be filled with a bunch of those minor mistakes, and I tend to get down on myself about them. Unless of course I focus on learning from them instead of dwelling on them.

Here are a handful of this week's mistakes:

1) I decided to use my dining room table as my ironing board earlier this week. My sewing station is currently there as well, so it just makes it easier. I put a towel down to "protect" the surface of the table. All was well until I started using the steam setting on the iron. It did not take me long to realize that I had steam burned a giant white mark on my nice black dining table. I was so distraught. Thankfully after searching online I found a way to remove the mark, which surprisingly involved using an iron again! It worked like a charm and the white spot is now black again.

2) I let my children take pictures with our camera from time to time. It has never really been a problem, until yesterday. I sat down to upload some great photos when I discovered that they had all accidentally been erased. UGH! Stupid me!

3) Friday morning I made some killer peanut butter frosting. It was so good I basically ate it for brunch, which is so not a good idea. Lots of sugar + the morning time= a super cranky mommy. And cranky I was! How many times will it take for me to realize that sugar, in excess, really cramps my good parenting abilities.

4)  On Saturday we had a BBQ over here with some family that came in from out of town. I had the "great" idea to make the hamburger patties from scratch, make the hot dog and hamburger buns from scratch, make the cake and frosting from scratch, make a salad, and make Grandma's goop (a condiment that is a family tradition).

Now I believe in trying to make most things you eat, with your own two hands as much as possible. But there definitely is a limit. While not everything I made ended badly, I am writing this to remind myself to not over do it! Pick a couple of your favorite items and make those from scratch. Delegate out, or just buy the rest pre-made. I know it sounds like a cop-out, but sometimes it is worth keeping your sanity and saving your energy.

Because of my over-zealousness, on Friday night I was surrounded by 4 dozen buns that turned out like hockey pucks, and 4 cake rounds that were broken into pieces. The rolls could not be salvaged, so I just bought some instead.  I won't waste my time with that again in the near future.

However! My amazingly-talented-artist-husband was able to take all of my broken, but delicious tasting, cake rounds and sculpt them back into looking like a three layered round cake. I was SO happy! The cake was a success, and the homemade peanut butter frosting covered the cracks of the mended cake beautifully. If you love PB and chocolate you need to make this cake, I will post the recipe soon.

I am continually grateful for mistakes that help you learn lessons gently. The kind that you are able to find solutions for. The kind that are forgiving. The ones that have no solutions seem to teach the toughest lessons, and I am thankful they come around less often.

A Kind Word

"Something good can be said about everyone.

We only have to say it."

-Fulton Oursler

On nights when I don't just plop like and exhausted blob on to my bed, I like to open my olive green book. I peruse briefly through the table of contents, looking for an essay title that lights up for me that particular night. Then, I read it.

Last night an essay entitled, There is Magic in a Word of Praise by Fulton Oursler sparked my interest. He writes about how every human being has a need to hear kind words from others, and also to speak kind words to others. It got me thinking about all the moments in my life where I have thought something nice about someone, but failed to speak that kindness to them. Kindness, once started, can spread like wildfire and it is our words and actions that help it to grow along the way.

This essay also cited a study done by Dr. Henry H. Goddard, in his years at the Vineland Training School in New Jersey, where they measured fatigue using an "ergograph." They found that when patients were given kind words of encouragement their energy levels soared. On the contrary, "discouragement and faultfinding were found to have a measurable opposite effect." I have felt and seen these findings to be true in my own life, for myself, my husband and especially my children.

When disciplining children it can be so easy to only focus on what they are not doing, or on the behavior that frustrates us. Focusing on those qualities rarely produces the change in behavior we hope for. Commenting kindly to them, giving them praise for a job well done, letting them know we are proud of them when they make a good choice, are all things we can do as parents to kindly motivate improvement in our children's behavior. When I became a mom I can remember my mother advising that "giving my kids lots of praise, and focusing on when they do things right" is what will ultimately change their action for the better.

Sometimes finding things to kindly praise others about can be difficult. However it is usually during the difficult times that others need our praise and encouragement the most.  

Dirty Laundry

Little boy underwear caught in the dryer door.
Picture taken by Oscar.

I am going to write about some dirty laundry of mine. Don't get too excited. I am, quite literally, going to tell you about my family's dirty laundry.

My dryer broke on Monday. It would turn on, rotate the clothes, and keep them nice and cold and wet. That baby was producing no heat. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Not really ideal when it comes to doing laundry well. 

We are a family that functions on doing at least one load of laundry a day. If we don't, we begin to drown in soiled cloth mighty fast. While we have been trouble-shooting how to fix the dryer, our laundry pile has continued to grow. In 4 days it is nearly up to my armpits, I swear. How on earth did women keep everyone clean and smelling nice before the invention of washers and dryers? My goodness! Our laundry "work" must be nothing compared to what their laundry work was.

Yesterday I unhooked the dryer heating element (or coil) and took it to Renew Appliance. The owner there is super helpful and said he would test it for free. Long story short, I have been to that store 4 times in two days trying to figure out the issue and I still have a dryer that won't work. We have figured out that either we have a bad receptacle (the place the dryer cord plugs into), or we need to get a "new" dryer.

To add to this "fun" my oldest child has decided to leave some very substantial skid marks in his underwear. Twice today, twice yesterday, twice the day before. This kid has been fully potty trained for nearly 3 years, and picks the week I can't do laundry easily to have a flashback?! No more poop in underwear, please!

I needed to take my mind off of this stuff for a while, so I ran to Costco this evening. I felt that a new plant for my yard and some delicious buttery croissants for my taste buds (and inevitably later on, my butt) would ease my current frustrations. I picked out a beautiful peony plant, and was feeling a bit better. Unfortunately I could not find the croissants anywhere because they had sold out for the day. I am not joking you that when the lady told me this news, my eyes began to well up with tears. Don't judge me! Sometimes you just really need some flaky goodness to lift your spirits.

I know all this may not sound like that big of a deal, but it has actually been a trying few days. My patience has continually been tested as each potential dryer solution has failed, and as each pair of poopy underwear has had to be washed by hand and stacked in the ever growing pile of clothes.

It is so much easier to be happy, kind, patient, and loving when all is going well and everything is working in your favor. In those situations we hardly have to make a choice to be happy. We just are.

When solutions don't really solve anything, when things we can't control go poorly, when all our trying just brings us to the point where we must try some more, these, yes these are the times that we must make the choice to be happy. For it is the times in our lives when things don't run smoothly that truly test the strength of our character.

I fall short in this area often, but I keep on trying to make the better choice. Even when it seems that every fiber in my being is fighting my efforts to do so. I keep on trying, and I am pretty sure that counts for something.

Persist

"That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the nature of the thing has changed, but that our power to do it has increased."

Often quoted by my paternal grandfather, Clayne Robison 1909-2004.

Originally from Ralph Waldo Emerson.

I am pretty sure my Dad heard these words a lot in his home growing up, for he can quote them upon demand. I too, have memories of this quote. It is a good one. A really good one. While at my parents house the other day I came across it again., written out in my Fathers handwriting on a grass-green card. It was nestled inside a birthday package I was mailing off to Thailand.  

Lately I have been a bit discouraged with myself. Discouraged, with my seeming lack of talents and skills. Sometimes I fall into the trap of feeling like I got skipped over in the "natural talent" department. Deep down I know that is not true, its just that sometimes recognizing your own talents can be difficult.

But this quote reminded me yet again that it is less about natural talent (although surely that helps), and more about persistence in developing and/or maintaining those talents. It is the act of persisting that makes the most difference.

Persist, persist, persist. Even when it's hard, even when you are discouraged, even when you would rather not. Persist Helen!

Learning and Re-learning



Angus re-learning not to draw on the floor.

I would like to be able tell you that each day I am actively engaged in learning something new and fabulous.

But most days that wouldn't be true.

Most days I am re-learning some learning I learned days before. Is that making sense? I re-learn things about me, about my kids, my husband, and about how life works.

I re-learn that giving my 2 year old 3 helpings of refined sugar before 11:00 turns him into the devil, which in  turn, turns me into the devil.

I re-learn that I hate, and am inept at, organizing. Don't get me wrong, I love to have things organized and can usually maintain it once I have it. But sometimes the process of getting there is enough to make my brain explode out of every orifice on my head. (My saving grace in this department is my patient and steadfast organizer freak of a hubby).

I re-learn that sometimes my kids have to re-learn what they have learned too (like how underwear is not for peeing in, What?). And that regardless of how crazy it makes me, they need my patience and understanding too.

I re-learn that getting exercise helps me to see the glass as nearly-completely-full. Always.

Oh yes, there is one new and intriguing thing I did learn a couple days ago.

Here's what it is:

If you take a two year old boy and allow him to roll rigorously around in the bed of an eleven year old lady dog, he will come home with you smelling very strongly of...ferret. (I became distinctly aware of the uniqueness of ferret odor around the age of ten while visiting my aunt in Seattle. She had seven or so of the cute little varmints, and their putridly sweet stench has been forever etched inside my nostrils.)

So! Here's to learning, and re-learning and re-learning some more. Truth be told I am glad for the continued opportunities to learn "it" right.

The Invitation

Lately I can not get enough of reading this poem. Sometimes I read it twice a day.

You may have read it before, but I wanted to share it regardless.

The Invitation

by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; If you can be faithful and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see the beauty even when it is not pretty every day, and if you can source your life from ITS presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you are, or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Quote.

Found this quote on a blog I read and loved it, (as I do a lot of information on that blog). I wanted to remember it, so I posted it here. I like how it makes trying to improve ourselves and our lives, seem like not such an overwhelming task.

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow."-Mary Anne Radmacher

Happy chart.

I came across this chart the other day.

Isn't it great?

Simple and to the point. Perfect.

Yes, I am happy.

I hope that you are too.

Chocolat.

We watched the movie Chocolat again this past weekend. I love that movie. It will always be one of my favorites. Watching it over and over doesn't make it get old, it makes me like it more.

Anyway, this is one of my favorite quotes from the show.

Pere Henri (Easter sermon): I'm not sure what the theme of my homily today ought to be. Do I want to speak of the miracle of Our Lord's divine transformation? Not really, no. I don't want to talk about His divinity. I'd rather talk about His humanity. I mean, you know, how He lived His life, here on Earth. His *kindness*, His *tolerance*... Listen, here's what I think. I think that we can't go around... measuring our goodness by what we don't do. By what we deny ourselves, what we resist, and who we exclude. I think... we've got to measure goodness by what we *embrace*, what we create... and who we include.

In the quiet.

Tonight was simple. Uniquely ordinary.

My little boys were dreaming in their beds. My big boy had gone to help his Mom. My canine boy lay completely relaxed on the rug snoring heavily, happily.

I turned the TV off, nestled myself into the comfy corner of the couch and began to read.

The house was quiet. It was unusual, but it was comforting. I felt calm.

A bird outside the window was singing, it's song was clear and kind. The last light of the day was fading slowly. It was as if the bird was singing a goodnight lullaby to the sun, thankful for this day. I felt thankful too.

Sitting in the quiet I felt peaceful, replenished.

Content to be spending time with me.

Thanks Elder Holland.

I love this talk. Heaven knows I could use continual motivation to improve in this area. I am trying, and that counts for something I am sure.

"Keep it simple, stupid."

"Keep it simple, stupid."

These words have been going through my mind quite a bit over the last couple weeks. It is something that my Dad says lovingly to us kids, when finding a solution to a problem becomes harder than it should be. Whether in our school work, our daily lives, our relationships, or really in any circumstance a predicament may arise.

I really appreciate and love my Dad. He is someone I can count on for nearly anything. Good and solid advice is definitely one of those "anythings."

Just, "keep it simple, stupid." :)